Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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