If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
