Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
