dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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