You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
