pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
