I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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