I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
