thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
