There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
