My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
