he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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