Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
