Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
