Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
