Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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