I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
