Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We need a shit load of segways right now
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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