There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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