On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
