Sponge bath it is.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
