I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
