my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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