Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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