well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
