I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
