I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize