I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
