Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
