We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
