i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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