now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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