3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
