PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
