I think I am morally bankrupt
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize