i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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