i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize