Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
