I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
