someone get that fucking seahorse.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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