i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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