we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
