Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
