Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sober January is a disaster.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
