and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
