haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
