We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
