I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
