Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
