her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're breaking my sexual little heart
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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