Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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