Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
