pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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