We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
