peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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