just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
