why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
