stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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