This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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