two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
