You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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