i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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