never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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