I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize