if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
