sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
