I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
