i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
