My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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