Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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