Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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